This post follows a previous one about why you might be vulnerable to burnout and focuses on the challenges around why burnout takes longer to recover from than you might think.
You may have identified that you have burnout, you may also have taken yourself out of the environment that caused it but you’re not feeling any better. This is the stage when clients with burnout often reach out for counselling. It’s one of the most common moments in the burnout journey and one of the most frustrating.
Expectations for burnout recovery and who struggles with it
At this stage, people often have a detachment from their burnout. They can say that they are burnt out but often they don’t appreciate or feel what the word actually means. This is because often they are in startled rabbit mode. Strung out, anxious, stressed, fixated on the recent issues that have got them there.
It is very common for people to later tell me they had no idea burnout would take so long to recover from. What I find is that people with burnout often aren’t used to taking time off, especially when it is work related. They are not the type of people who are good at vegging out. They are typically busy people with busy lives and sitting around taking it easy is not something that they do.
People with burnout are often also high functioning and high achieving. They are good at striving forwards and pushing through difficult periods. But that is ultimately why they have arrived in this situation. Striving and pushing has finally stopped working.
Burnout Groundhog Day
There’s no set time frame for recovery from burnout. It is totally unique. Part of the reason it takes so long is that the situation that has got someone into burnout e.g. work-related issues, a marriage breakup etc takes time to settle.
For example, it may take weeks or months for an employer to deal with the issues or provide a solution. Or the practical elements of your separation from a partner might take time to figure out.
This can be the most difficult thing to deal with because you feel suspended in time. Stuck in this awful strung-out place where you’re not in your old life or post burnout either. It is the burnout Groundhog Day slot.
But if you are supported during this period by friends, family or therapeutically, it can be a very helpful part of understanding what you are going through and preparing for recovery. Support during this period does not necessarily reduce the suspension but it can be helpful to spend time talking with people who can help to give the experience some meaning. Understanding that this is not your normal way of being can help lay the foundations for solid recovery.
Why recovery takes so long: what’s been depleted
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. Even if the circumstances that proved to be the final catalyst for you to hit the wall were actually short-lived, the chances are your nervous system has been out of whack for far longer.
Recovery goes beyond simply getting your energy back. Burnout brings with it stress, anxiety and doubting yourself. It creates a state where you are disconnected from your body and sense of self. It is a challenge to your senses and especially your confidence.
The truth is your reserves might have been running down for years. Holidays or long weekends might have given some relief, but the chances are they have not been the recharge you thought they were. It is like keeping a car on the road without regular services. Eventually, something major happens that shows smaller issues have been going on behind the scenes. Burnout shines a light on where you have not taken time to look after yourself.
The historic patterns surfacing
Burnout so often becomes a significant crossroads for change. It is the moment when the historic patterns are finally uncovered and once you have deeply felt burnout, it is not something most people want to repeat.
This is also often the moment when the flaws of someone’s perfectionism come to light. Perfectionism can be a dedicated driver of striving and pushing on. It keeps you searching for the next perfect project, wanting to achieve more or be better next time. It can also keep you out of touch with reality.
The inner critic is another culprit which shows up in burnout and burnout recovery. I believe people with relentless inner critics are more likely to burn out. That critical voice means nothing is ever enough. Over years that pressure and toil build and tend to reinforce rather than ease issues. The voice that kept you going is also the one that is not going to find recovery easy. Phrases like ‘I should be better by now’ or ‘other people would have bounced back quicker than this’ crop up. The inner critic driving the agenda like it always has will interfere with the recovery process.
Two things to consider
If you recognise yourself in this post, there are two things worth keeping in mind.
The first is that recovery from burnout takes the time it needs to take. Not the time you wish it took, or the time your usual self would give it. It is not a project to complete or a deadline to meet. It is a slower considered undoing of patterns that built up over a long time.
The second is that the difficulty you are having with recovery is not a sign that you’re doing it wrong. It is a sign that you are in burnout recovery. The frustration, the impatience, the voice that says you should be further along by now, these are part of the process you must work through, not evidence that recovery is not happening.
Being kind to yourself during this period is not being lazy or indulgent. It is the work.
Here are some additional posts about burnout you might like to read:
Why You Might Be Burnt Out and Not Know It
Burnout: Why You Might Be Vulnerable
Fawning and Burnout – When Being Accommodating Backfires at Work
