When your eating struggles aren’t taken seriously
Have you tried to speak to people about your eating issues but found your comments were dismissed, or your symptoms not recognised as serious? Perhaps you’ve tried to share information with your doctor but found that they have chosen to focus on a symptom which isn’t relevant. Or you may feel confused about why your family members aren’t concerned about your eating habits.
If so, I’m sorry you have been experiencing these issues because I know they can be distressing. Unfortunately, it’s often common for eating issues to be minimised or dismissed.
People tell me they start to question themselves after these experiences. Their levels of shame may increase, or they feel more broken because they haven’t been taken seriously. Over time, this can quietly erode trust in your experience. This can be isolating and add to the pressure you are dealing with.
Why eating issues are often misunderstood
Although understanding is slowly increasing, GPs have limited training about how to identify and treat eating disorders. Two thirds of participants in a 2021 study reported that signs of their eating issues could have been identified sooner by their doctor1. GPs also often focus on factors such as BMI and visible markers. But as you may know eating issues are much more nuanced and complicated than that.
People who have difficulties with food often keep their behaviours and thoughts about food hidden. Many are great at keeping their struggles secret, even from the people they live with. You may also be working hard to present as functioning well. This can mean your symptoms are not seen by others, even when it feels like you are not concealing them.
The relationship that the people close to you have with food themselves can play a significant role. I often hear how disordered eating is overlooked when friends or family members have a difficult relationship with food themselves.
We live in an age where diet culture looms large in society. There is constant ‘noise’ around different types of diets and eating patterns. This can mean the lines between healthy and harmful can become blurred. What may be unhealthy to you, can be perceived by others as healthy.
Misunderstandings about eating disorders also exist more widely in society. An American survey found more than one third of respondents believed people with eating disorders were just ‘going through a phase’2, whilst an Australian survey found 16% believed those with eating disorders could ‘snap out of it’ if they chose to3. I have not found a similar study for the UK, but know from my work with clients that similar views exist here. When beliefs like these are common, it may help explain why so many people feel dismissed or misunderstood when they seek support.
All of these factors don’t mean people around you don’t care. It’s frequently the case that they don’t have an understanding of what you’re experiencing.
Eating difficulties can be missed, even when they’re serious
Eating disorders don’t fit neatly into stereotypes. They can affect people of any age, gender or body size.
My clients with eating issues are often achieving at work and dealing with busy lives which means they are seen as high functioning. It’s common to find a different story behind the scenes. They may be balancing eating issues with shame, social anxiety and the desperate need to keep their struggles secret. Their symptoms may fluctuate on a regular basis which means others may not spot when they’re present.
If you can relate to any of this, it’s understandable that you may feel caught between suffering privately and feeling like you don’t deserve help.
Even if others can’t see it, your experience matters
If the people and places where you thought you would find help have not worked yet, don’t lose heart. Living with eating issues can be intense and mean you live in your own world. This world can be understood by people who have specialised experience with disordered eating so reaching out for this kind of support might be a gamechanger.
Eating issues aren’t simply ‘choices’ or ‘phases’. They are complex conditions. So, even if others don’t understand right now, you’re allowed to take your experience seriously and seek out the support or change you need.
1 BEAT, (2021). “Hit and Miss” Experiences of people with eating disorders seeking help from Healthcare Professionals. https://beat.contentfiles.net/media/documents/Hit_and_Miss_EDAW_Report.pdf [Accessed: 14 January 2025]
2 Jackson, C., & Lemay, M.-P. (2018). Research Findings Most Americans Experience Feeling Dissatisfied with How Their Body Looks from Time to Time, Including Nearly Two in Five Who Feel This Way Whenever They Look in the Mirror At Least One in Three Would Give Up Alcohol, Pizza, and/or Social Media if it Meant They Could Achieve Their Perfect Body Overnight. https://www.ipsos.com/sites/default/files/ct/news/documents/2018-02/male-and-eating-disorders-survey-pr-2018-02-13.pdf [Accessed: 14 January 2025]
3 Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2022). National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing 2020–21. Australian Capital Territory: Commonwealth Government of Australia.
