The fashion designer, Pam Hogg, died last week. Listening to commentary on the radio about her life and work, I was struck by this message she used to give to her students:
‘The greatest gift you have is your individuality. Why would you want to be like
somebody else?’
They may have started out as a way to encourage creativity amongst art students but, I believe, these words are a valuable reflection for everyone. It also made me wonder what the impact could be on people’s wellbeing if individuality was more honoured.
Pam’s message wasn’t just about clothing or creativity. It highlights the deep psychological freedom that comes from expressing who you really are. It reminded me how closely our sense of individuality is tied to our wellbeing.
Many of the conversations I have with my counselling clients centre around their desire to be like somebody else, or a need to ‘shape shift’ around the expectations of other people rather than stick to their own lane. The aspiration to be like somebody else shows up in a variety of guises.
The desire to be like somebody else
Firstly, there’s a craving to look like other people, whether that’s friends, models, celebrities or strangers on social media. This may show up as an aspiration to be smaller, larger, taller, prettier or generally more ‘perfect’ looking. So much of this is shaped by what we see on a day-to-day basis and the shapes and looks that culture celebrates.
Then there are the old stories clients have been told: perhaps a seemingly well-meant comment by a family member comparing them to someone else, or a cruel jibe from a bully at school about their appearance. These words can linger for years afterwards, becoming internalised as a measure of someone’s self-worth.
I also work with clients who believe that if they can only become like somebody else, then they will feel better. That their anxiety will quiet, their low mood lift, or their disordered eating will subside.
A need to behave like somebody else
Another pattern I work with in my counselling practice is something I call ‘shapeshifting’. This is when people are incredibly aware of what other people might think about them and focused on tailoring what they say, how they look, and how they behave to what they perceived to be a desirable standard. This can become such an insatiable state that the individual loses touch with their own sense of self.
Outward signs of shapeshifting include people pleasing, perfectionism, anxiety and self-criticism. Shapeshifting can occur due to low self-esteem and self-worth and the complex trauma response, fawning. It is driven by a need to fit in – to find safety in being like others. Shapeshifting tends to relate to survival. Many people discovered early on that blending in was safer for them than standing out.
The psychology of what we wear
What stood about the fashion Pam Hogg designed was both her desire to stay true to herself and the distinctive style of her clothes. She embodied individuality in her own appearance, and the work she offered to the world.
I am very interested in the field of fashion psychology. This area studies the impact of clothes on how people think, feel and perceive themselves and others.
Fashion psychology is underpinned by the fact that what we wear is more than decoration. It’s a language through which we can express ourselves. Clothes can strengthen our identity, lessen insecurities, and help us feel more grounded in ourselves. This is why people like Pam Hogg, who leaned into radical self-expression, often resonate so much. They show us what’s possible when we stop dressing and living for external approval.
Showcasing a sense of purpose and self-belief
I recently went to see an exhibition at the Design Museum in London about the Blitz Club which was a hub for the development of the New Romantics scene in the 1980s. The club scene at that time was characterised by people dressing up to go out for the night. This is a quote from one of the story boards in the Blitz exhibition which describes the individuality which characterised how people got ready to go clubbing:
‘United by a sense of purpose and self-belief, they were dedicated to style as a way of life’.
It was inspiring to learn about the passion and enthusiasm which characterised this period of the 1980s and how many people who were associated with the Blitz Club, including Pam Hogg, went on to be significant figures in design, fashion, music, and business.
The Blitz was a space where individuality was not only allowed, but it was also truly celebrated. It’s no coincidence that such an environment produced so many influential creatives. Psychological safety and self-expression tend to unlock confidence, purpose and a sense of belonging. It makes me wonder how life might be if more people felt supported to celebrate their individuality.
Becoming more of an individual
What I find in my practice room, is that when clients start to chip away at the scaffolding they have built around their lives, they start to understand the value of individuality. Behind the mask of perfectionism, the insecurity of low self-esteem or the demands of shapeshifting, they find themselves again. When it all comes down to it, creating the life you want is an inside job.
When you are able to separate out which of your beliefs and behaviours are based on a need to be like somebody else vs what you really want for yourself, you can make a choice. Do you want to live your life or someone else’s? Overtime, I’ve seen how when clients become able to celebrate their own personality and beliefs, positive shifts happen in the world around them.
Pam Hogg was famous for designing glamourous, often punk outfits including standout catsuits. I’m not suggesting that individuality needs to be about wearing bold outfits or making dramatic statements. Individuality can be quiet and gentle. It’s about finding what your own version of it is. This might mean allowing yourself to have a different opinion, make a unique choice or say no if something isn’t right for you.
Giving yourself the gift of individuality
If you are interested in exploring what is holding you back from embracing your individuality, you might start by considering:
– Where do you feel most like yourself?
– Where do you feel pressure to conform?
– What small step towards individuality could you experiment with?
Pam Hogg’s message reminds us that individuality isn’t something new we need to build from scratch – it’s already within us. When we stop striving to be somebody else, we create space for who we already are to emerge. This prospect might feel daunting or confusing, but I often see that when people feel safe to be themselves, their confidence and self-worth build, and their mood stabilises.
This evolution can take time but giving yourself the gift of individuality can be a rewarding journey back to yourself.
