Are you feeling bombarded by the temptation to buy more at the moment? I’ve been inundated by Black Friday deals. My Inbox has been full of offers from every mailing list I’ve ever signed up to for the past few weeks.
Shopping, especially around this time of year, can be exciting, soothing, overwhelming or problematic depending on your emotional state. At a time when we’re encouraged to have more, I’ve been thinking about what it might mean to want or need less.
The inspiration for this post is Patrick Grant’s book ‘Less’1. This excellent book feels ever more relevant at this time of year. Not just because of its well-researched history of clothes and consumption, but because of its message that having fewer possessions can actually be beneficial to our mental wellbeing.
In this post, I’ll explore the link between what drives many of us to shop in the first place, how shopping and marketing impact our emotional state, how less can be calming and how you can support yourself to buy less.
Shopping as emotional relief
Both inside and outside my practice, I’ve seen how people use shopping to soothe anxiety, low mood or stress. Shopping can serve as a distraction from uncomfortable emotions in a similar way that doomsrolling or comfort eating does. There’s nothing wrong about this but it could be a sign of avoidant behaviour if it is masking underlying distress. And of course, we all reach for things that bring a moment of relief when we’re struggling. It’s a very human response.
Purchasing a physical item can compensate for a lack of confidence or a sense of belonging. Research suggests that when people feel low in self-esteem, they sometimes make purchases that align with their negative self-beliefs. This can even lead them to choose lower-quality items because it fits how they see themselves2.
Shopping can provide a dopamine hit which temporarily reduces feelings of overwhelm or self-criticism. The thrill of the purchase can often be more neurologically rewarding than the item itself. It can create a temporary sense of control when other parts of life feel overwhelming3.
Whilst shopping can have benefits, mass scale events like Black Friday and Cyber Monday can magnify the broader issues of overstimulation. When you are faced with too many choices, decision fatigue can set in. It can be mentally draining and increase your propensity to be more impulsive and anxious. Psychologist Barry Schwarz argues this is due to ‘The Paradox of Choice’. The paradox is that the more options you have, the more effort is required to choose, and the less satisfied we often feel about the outcome4.
The pressures of marketing and impulses
Whilst it may be a showcase for marketing departments, Black Friday is a perfect example of external emotional manipulation. Have you noticed a lot of countdown timers on the emails you are receiving at the moment? How do they make you feel in your body? These timers are designed to trigger a stress response which can drive impulsive action. This sense of time running out can increase stress levels and heighten anxiety.
There are so many factors at play which drive us to consume and make it easy to do so. Technology has shaped the enjoyment we experience when we shop. Historically, we could only visit physical shops which would cause us to devote more time and effort to our purchases. Now, we can shop from our phones and as Patrick Grant says ‘we buy impulsively, with little or no consideration’. This is not all down to our own behaviour. Powerful algorithms and marketing strategies are at play which are working hard to impact how we act.
Pausing and reflecting before you buy
Do you feel your shopping habits serve you? Or do you think they may be detrimental to your wellbeing?
Often, just taking some time to pause before you purchase something can be beneficial. If you are prone to impulse purchases, pausing to consider can reduce emotional reactions. I, personally, find it helpful sometimes to walk away from a buying decision. If I’m still thinking about the item over the coming days, I’ll reconsider my purchase but if the item is no longer on my mind I won’t.
Do you know what your triggers for shopping are? Could you pause and take some time before you make your next purchase to decide if it’s something you really need? Pausing even for a short time can often reduce the strength of an impulse.
It may be helpful to take some time with a pen and paper to think about your values and if they are aligned with your shopping behaviour. Basing your shopping decisions on values rather than external pressures can make it easier to ensure you are in control of your decisions rather than responding to marketing campaigns and the needs of others. For example, a value may be wanting to purchase from companies who focus on sustainabilty which could positively influence your buying decisions.
I find that when people slow down, they loosen the grip of manufactured urgency and consumer culture and are better able to listen to their own internal compass. Research shows that less is not only financially beneficial but can also be psychologically grounding.
The calm of simplifying and owning less
Alongside Patrick Grant’s message, there is a growing area of research linking minimalism with wellbeing.
Cluttered environments can increase cortisol levels, especially in women5, whilst contrastingly having less can support slower-paced living which is beneficial for reducing stress, supporting the vagus nerve and increasing our sense of personal agency.
This theme of intentionally owning less can help to support your personal autonomy by choosing your own values over those of the consumption culture. It can also help you to exercise control over your environment which I’ve seen can help improve depressed mood and self esteem.
Conclusion
Choosing less doesn’t mean depriving yourself, it means creating space to focus on what really matters for your mind, wellbeing, and sense of control. When we pause, reflect, and consider our values before making a purchase, we reclaim agency from the constant pressures of marketing and outside influences.
This week, as Black Friday and Cyber Monday bombard us with urgent messages and tempting deals, notice how they affect you and your body. Ask yourself, ‘Do I really need this? Does it align with my values?’. Even small pauses can help reduce impulsive reactions, calm the nervous system, and strengthen self-awareness.
In a world that constantly tells us to want more, choosing less can feel like an act of care; for your finances, your mental wellbeing, and your ability to live intentionally. By slowing down, simplifying, and aligning your choices with what matters, you create room for calm, presence, and a more grounded sense of satisfaction.
1 Grant, P. (2024). Less: Stop Buying So Much Rubbish: How Having Fewer, Better Things Can Make Us Happier. HarperCollins UK.
2 Rucker, D. D., & Galinsky, A. D. (2008). Desire to acquire: Powerlessness and compensatory consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 35(2), 257–267. https://doi.org/10.1086/588569
3 Stuppy, A., Mead, N. L., & van Osselaer, S. M. J. (2020). I am, therefore I buy: Low self-esteem and the pursuit of self-verifying consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 46(5), 956-973. https://doi.org/10.1093/jcr/ucz029
4 Schwartz, B. (2004). The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. Harper Collins.
5 Saxbe, D., & Repetti, R. (2009). No Place Like Home: Home Tours Correlate With Daily Patterns of Mood and Cortisol. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36(1), 71–81. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167209352864
