As I mentioned in my first post about fawning, it can be hard to detect. It can go unnoticed for a long time and only truly come to light when a perfect storm of circumstances converges. Burnout can provide the conditions which can create this enforced crossroads. By taking you to the edge of what you can deal with emotionally, it can provide reasons to finally examine what it is about you that caused you to go too far and what the root causes are.
Why fawners are at risk of workplace burnout
Fawners are accommodating. At work, they bypass the need to assert their own beliefs. Instead, they take on the needs and values of others or an organisation. They are supportive people pleasers, dedicated to their employers and expert at shape shifting to suit the needs of any situation.
But what happens to a fawner’s sense of self when the organisation shifts itself? What I’ve seen is that when the key elements of a company alter, such as a change in leadership style or the culture becomes more corporate and less personal, they start to struggle.
I see it happening to people who have been loyal long-term members of staff when a change in culture creates a misalignment with the previous values of the company. Fawners are typically out of touch with their own values. As they’re such good shapeshifters, they take on the values of the company they work for instead. But when the culture starts to fundamentally ignore the existing values and not replace them, it can become harder for them to have something to merge with.
Escalation towards burnout
Whilst their colleagues adjust to new changes or collude with those around them, fawners can keep striving on alone. As the culture changes from supportive to more self-centred, the fawner often works and strives harder than ever to keep everything on track.
They will be the ones spotting the gaps in communication and project progress as the culture becomes more siloed. They will notice the colleagues who are struggling or where HR has stopped being responsive, and they step up and support those around them.
Fawners are hypervigilant by nature, always scanning their environment to assess the mood and needs of those around them. This means that when the environment becomes more fractious, they frequently take on more responsibilities outside their job remit, in addition to their own existing workload.
The breaking point
Fundamentally, the individual will work harder to make things right or find ways to recreate a previous status quo. But as they put more effort in, they can actually become more isolated because the organisation is moving on despite their best efforts.
This can add to their anxiety and stress levels but because fawners can be detached from their own emotions, they may not be consciously aware of the impact this is having. If this goes on for weeks, months or longer, the toll it takes on their mental and physical wellbeing can build up.
They may work harder, self-analyse more but their striving gains less and less traction. Then something or some things will tip the balance to breaking point. This might be a project where the isolated fawner becomes the fall guy. It might be when all the stress and anxiety finally manifest into physical health issues they can’t ignore.
What burnout reveals for fawners
Despite being the most dedicated, it can be the burnt out fawner that has to walk away. Often, they’ve done nothing wrong in the workplace. They’ve been the one who has pushed themselves to breaking point to try and fix underlying issues in the organisation whilst others held back to look after themselves.
When the breaking point finally arrives, it can lead to an agonising period of analysis as the individual deals with the loop of whys and what. Why has this happened to me? What could I have done differently? Why was no one listening when I stood up for those around me?
Burnout is hard to deal with because it can feel like failure. And for committed individuals with high standards this can feel dreadful. There can be an enormous number of feelings to process around why you were not able to hold everything together.
But recovery from burnout can also provide time and space for valuable reflection. It can shine a spotlight on how much you have dedicated to colleagues and the organisation at your expense, It can highlight how much you have trusted others above yourself and where you’ve lost your sense of self.
A way through
For fawners, recovery from burnout can be the time when you can no longer ignore that the scaffolding you built is no longer fit for purpose. Burnout creates its own unique numbing. But in the space that numbing provides, there can also be time to think about what you can do differently. Of how you will take more notice of what is important to you, of the importance of building the future on your own values and not outsourcing your identity to another organisation.
The exhaustion that brought you to breaking point may be the very thing that finally points you back to yourself.
If you would like to read my previous posts about burnout and fawning, you can find them via the links below.
