You thought you were doing well. You had a good spell and things felt like you were moving in an upward trajectory. But now you’ve had a tough week where something very stressful has happened and suddenly you’re back to your old patterns. Withdrawing into yourself, avoiding others and feeling low and stuck.
And the thought that’s overriding everything is ‘here we go again, I’m never going to get myself out of this cycle’.
This can bring a lot of shame and self-criticism. The feeling that you’ve failed, that you should be doing better by now, and the exhausting comparison to everyone else who seem to have it more together than you do. It can also be isolating if you avoid social contact because you don’t want to admit you’re struggling again.
These patterns are protection, not failure
But the reality is that how you’re feeling and behaving aren’t signs of failure. They’re old survival strategies showing up because your nervous system feels unsafe. These strategies kept you safe in an earlier time when you were unable to ask for help and had to rely on yourself. Your nervous system is trying to protect you with the only way it learned how.
Being able to notice this patterns is actually progress. It’s information you can act on. By recognising where the pattern stems from, you can start to develop new responses that fit your life better now.
Small steps forward
Whilst my clients and I work on the root causes of these patterns, we also put small practical steps in place that can help create momentum. This might be one or two achievable tasks, time doing something they genuinely enjoy or simply moments that signal safety to their nervous system.
It can take time to work on healing underlying trauma and root causes but in the meantime, little steps can create some relief. Cycles can be updated and you can create thoughts and behaviours that are more relevant to who you are today. But recognising that these patterns are old wiring that got triggered is a great first step.
