Thinking about starting counselling can feel daunting — you may wonder where to begin, what to expect, or how to choose the right counsellor. To help, I’ve put together six things worth considering before you start your journey.
Counselling is not a one-size-fits-all process, and it’s normal to feel unsure at the beginning. These points are not an exhaustive list. But they offer a starting place if you’re curious about what’s involves and how to make it work for you.
1. Counselling Takes Courage — But It’s Worth It
If you’ve never had counselling before, it’s natural to feel nervous. You are acknowledging you need support and opening up to a stranger about deeply personal thoughts and feelings. Both takes courage. When you start talking about things that have been troubling you, you may feel worse before you feel better. This is because you are bringing things into your consciousness and saying them out loud. But with the support of your counsellor, those nerves often fall away quickly. Sharing your story in a safe space can bring huge relief.
“You may be surprised how quickly the nerves fall away and the relief of sharing and working on your problems kicks in.”
Whether you work with a counsellor over a short or long period, hopefully you will find it worthwhile. The process of being listened to closely by someone whose sole aim is to support you can feel remarkable. As you work on your goals and experience progress, the rewards of being courageous can begin to build.
2. Being Ready for Change When Starting Counselling
Not everyone comes to counselling feeling ready to make changes. Some people are encouraged by others — a partner, GP, or employer — and arrive feeling hesitant. This can mean they are resistant to the counsellor and don’t want to engage with the process.
Counselling is most effective when you feel open to exploring your thoughts and taking responsibility for your wellbeing. Even then, building trust with your counsellor takes time. If you feel ready to make changes, even small ones, counselling can help you move forward more quickly.
You may see your counsellor on a weekly or fortnightly basis, so there will be plenty of time between appointments for you to process how you are feeling. You may also work on initiatives you have agreed to try e.g. being more self-compassionate, taking time to relax. Therefore, you’ll get the most from your sessions if you are ready for counselling and open to change. Most counsellors are happy to have an initial conversation with you before you start working with them so this could be a good time for you to speak with them about your readiness.
3. Counselling Isn’t Always Heavy – What to Expect
It’s common to assume counselling will always feel heavy or serious — but that’s not the whole picture. Of course, you may talk about painful experiences, difficult emotions, aspects of your life where you feel shame or embarrassment, or things you’ve never shared aloud before.
But counselling is also a human-to-human conversation. There can be light moments, celebrations of progress, and even laughter. You are always in control, and you can pause or step back if a session feels overwhelming.
It is important to remember that you are the client so you are in control. At any time if a conversation with your counsellor becomes too heavy or feels too much, you can press pause. Sometimes I agree a time out signal with a client. For example, if we are working online, we may agree that if things are getting too much for them or they are feeling too emotional, they can raise their hand and say so. If that happens, we may simply change the subject, agreed to end the session early or if the client is able to well speak about whether there is anything which has triggered what they are feeling. By its nature, counselling involves discussing things which are difficult. But it’s also a human to human conversation so be assured there will be lighter moments and even laughter too.
4. Choosing the Right Counsellor for You
Finding a counsellor is a very personal decision. You’ll want to feel comfortable, so it helps to think about what matters most to you. For example, does age, gender, or counselling style feel important? Would you prefer a specialist in a particular issue, or are you looking for a more general approach? Perhaps you have tried one style of counselling before and found it helpful – do you want to work in the same way again? Or would you like to try something different this time around? Having some ideas of what you are looking for will be helpful before you start your search.
Online directories such as the Counselling Directory or BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) can help you search by specialism and location. Trusting your instincts is also valuable — sometimes the way a counsellor describes themselves or even their photo can help you sense whether they’re the right fit.
You may seek recommendations of counsellors but beware a counsellor who suits your acquaintance might not be right for you. It can be helpful to make a short list of interesting counsellors and then contact them for an initial call.
If you accessing free counselling services, you may not be able to choose your counsellor. That’s not to say you shouldn’t ask for information about the counsellor, their experience and their style of working. If you feel they are not for you after your initial meeting, tell the counsellor or reach out their company to let them know so an alternative approach can be considered.
5. Finding a Counselling Format That Fits Your Life
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, counselling has become more flexible. Now, you can choose face-to-face sessions, online video calls, phone counselling, or even text-based support. This means that you can be in control of where you have counselling and when. Remote options also mean it’s not essential to work with a counsellor locally which may be important to you.
Think about what format feels most comfortable and practical for you and will make starting counselling easier for your lifestyle. If you work full time, choosing face-to-face might mean finding someone who is happy to meet you after work or at the weekend. Geographical distance could be a factor if you live in a rural area and meeting a counsellor in person means travelling or in a small town where you do not want to be seen going into a counsellor’s office.
Video counselling now has the functionality to be able to share screens and use whiteboards so you can work interactively with your counsellor. It allows you to be able to see your counsellor from your home or a private office at work. Telephone or text counselling works well for people who prefer to be unseen or have things they want to discuss without eye contact.
If you need flexibility due to work, travel, or family commitments, a mix of in-person and online sessions might be the best option. What matters most is that the format allows you to feel safe, supported, and consistent in your sessions.
6. Not Everyone Will Understand Your Decision to Start Counselling
When you tell people you’re starting counselling, some will be supportive while others may seem uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it is very common for people to feel uncomfortable about counselling for a variety of reasons which are usually more about them than they are about you.
Firstly, others may not understand what counselling is. Even though it’s ultimately just a chat between two people, one of whom is supporting the other. They may be concerned you are going to be talking about them – you see it’s not about you… They may not seek counselling themselves and feel a bit defensive about it. Or their view may be based on the lingering societal stigma that help with your mental wellbeing is a bad thing. The list goes on… Remember, their response is not a reflection on you. Choosing counselling is about taking care of yourself, and that’s what matters.
Above All, Put Yourself First
You may be seeking counselling because you want the support of an expert to help you work on issues. But remember you are the client and you are the expert of your life. Therefore, it’s important to consider what is going to be best for you before you begin. If this f this guide has helped you feel more confident about starting counselling, please do get in touch. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have.
