I hear self-esteem mentioned more often than self-worth but find they are used interchangeably too. Over time, I’ve come to realise the value in considering them as separate concepts and understanding how they link together. But sometimes, I still find it hard to clearly define where one ends and the other begins.
I’ve written this post as a way of exploring the differences between self-esteem versus self-worth and how they relate to each other. I will touch on the challenge of low levels of both and what can be valuable in building them up.
Defining the two concepts
Self-esteem is defined as confidence and satisfaction in oneself1 . The American Psychological Association (APA) helpfully outlines that self-esteem indicates how you view your ‘accomplishments and capabilities, values and perceived success in living up to them’, together with your ‘physical self-image’. Another aspect of self-esteem, especially in today’s image-focused society, is that it also reflects ‘the ways in which others view and respond to you2. Crucially, the more favourably you view these aspects of yourself, the higher your self-esteem tends to be.
Therefore, self-esteem refers to how we evaluate ourselves and can inherently fluctuate because it is based on achievements, feedback, or comparison — all of which are ever-changing.
In contrast, the APA defines self-worth as evaluating yourself ‘as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration3. It is not dependent on our performance or the opinions of others. It’s a fundamental, core belief — based on the understanding that, as human beings, we all have equal and inherent value.
An illustration of the difference between the two concepts could be that your self-esteem might dip if you make a mistake at work, but your self-worth reminds you that you are still a good and deserving person. I also find it helpful to think of self-esteem as being externally focused — linked to achievement and the opinions of others — while self-worth is internal and not dependent on external circumstances.
Risks of confusing self-esteem with self-worth
What I notice in my counselling practice, and in society more generally, is that self-esteem is often mistaken for self-worth. This can mean that someone only feels valuable when they’re doing well or achieving things. High achievement is often celebrated as a marker of success, but without the steady foundation of self-worth, it can become a never-ending and exhausting pursuit. Over time, as self-esteem continues to be confused for self-worth, it can lead to perfectionism, anxiety, or burnout as the individual drives themselves toward perceived success.
Family messages, school environments, social media, and cultural narratives all influence self-esteem. In an age of social media, it seems that self-esteem is increasingly outsourced. I see how many people’s confidence and satisfaction are directly linked to how they feel after scrolling online. This can negatively impact their physical self-image and make them fearful of having beliefs of their own.
Self-worth can seem out of reach
Often someone’s sense of self-worth is out of reach because they have spent a long time battling with low levels of self-esteem. This might be linked to what they learned at a young age about praise and achievement being tied to their value. But it may also be because they are too focused on comparing themselves to, or being led by the opinions of, other people.
This all means that when asked what they think about their worth and their values, many people feel stumped for an answer. Poor self-esteem can mean that someone becomes consumed by what they ‘should’ value, rather than what they fundamentally believe about their self-worth. This can mean that someone no longer knows what their values are because they have spent so long imitating or trying to please other people. It’s difficult to feel a sense of worth if you don’t know what you value, or if your values have become out of reach.
How each is shaped
I find it helpful to think of self-worth as your foundation or root system — steady, solid, but unseen. Self-esteem is the foliage on the tree that changes and evolves with the seasons.
Self-worth develops through safety, belonging, compassion, and unconditional acceptance, whilst self-esteem grows through mastery, feedback, and competence. It’s relational and situational.
Because of the focus on self-esteem in Western culture, the quieter truth of self-worth is often neglected. The emphasis on achievement and comparison overshadows the calm strength that comes from cultivating self-worth.
Therapy can help people rebuild self-worth from the inside out. This is not by ‘fixing’ the self but by supporting them to remember and reconnect with their inherent value. I find that when someone’s self-worth becomes stronger, their self-esteem naturally begins to flourish.
Nurturing self-worth
Here are some practical reflections that may gently help you nurture your self-worth:
– Notice when you equate your worth with performance.
– Practice self-compassion when you are struggling with situations, events, and people.
– Reconnect with your values – spend time reflecting on what matters most to you. Journal about what feels important but is unrelated to achievement.
– Accept compliments, help, and support from others even when you’re not feeling great about yourself.
Reflection prompts
– What does my inner voice tell me when I make a mistake?
– What would it feel like to know I’m worthy just because I’m human?
Conclusion
Self-esteem will always ebb and flow — that’s part of being human. But beneath it, our self-worth can be the steady ground we return to. When we learn to see ourselves as inherently valuable, success and mistakes alike become opportunities to live from that deeper sense of worth, rather than to prove it. In this way, self-esteem becomes a reflection of our growth, not a condition for our belonging.
1 Merriam-Webster. (2019). Definition of SELF-ESTEEM. Merriam-Webster.com. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-esteem
2 American Psychological Association. (2023, November 15). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Apa.org. https://dictionary.apa.org/self-esteem
3 American Psychological Association. (2023, November 15). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Apa.org. https://dictionary.apa.org/self-worth
